Worship

We attended Evening Prayer at Westminster Abbey. What a magnificent space to gather as the people of God. As we were ushered in we were constantly reminded that there was to be no photos, no tourism, for this was worship. Officious people made it clear, if a bit daunting. Amidst the choir stalls we sat with a mixed looking bunch. Worship began and I tried to tune into what was being said. It was beautiful and I snuggled into the presence of God, grateful for this opportunity to worship.

We attended lunchtime Eucharist at St Paul’s in London. What a magnificent space to gather as the people of God. Under the central dome we found our seats with a mixed looking bunch. Worship began and I tried to tune into what was being said. All around me was chaotic noise. A man behind spoke loudly to his friends. A family in front left after a few minutes. A woman wandered across the front to take a photo. And I struggled. Struggled to hear, struggled to be present. Struggled to worship.

And I wondered where the balance lies… of reverence and relaxedness… of expectation and come as you are. .. of holy and ordinary. No profound answers, just ponderings. All are welcome. We gather to worship.

Finding our way

Travelling in unfamiliar cities can be a challenge. Transport each has its own method. Over time, the familiarities become more obvious. We know the kind of signs we are looking for. Not so different from pilgrimage really. We travel on unknown roads to new and unseen places. The way is not always clear. We look for signs to help. Sometimes it is straightforward, other times confusing. Sometimes the path is simple, other times we get lost on the way. Over time we get better at knowing the signs and finding the path. But it is the journey that forms us. The discussions on the way. The unexpected sites when lost that matter as much as the expected destination.

To the glory of...

Last week we visited the Palace of Versailles… in its opulant ginormous splendour. Words cannot describe how vast; how beautiful; how magnificent it is. And written large across it in both word and architecture is the declaration “toutes les glories de la France”, "all the glories of France." From Louis XIII’s first simple hunting lodge in 1623, Louis XIV, XV and XVI clearly had more to prove. Napolean continued the extravagance. All to the glory of France and, it seems, a lot to do with leaders’ egos. Power was on display in the extensive buildings and gardens. There is no doubt: it is magnificant! But as we were overwhelmed by the architecture, the fabrics, the paintings, the sculptures, the fountains… I found myself wondering about why we as humans have this desire to prove ourselves. And ultimately for me, I need to ask the question, for whose glory?

Living Water

Yesterday we joined pilgrims from over the past 1300 years to go to Holywell and taste and immerse themselves in the waters there. (We tasted…) This place where a young woman named Winefride, in the c7th, was the victim of an attempted rape and ran to her friend’s chapel where she would find safety. The story goes that her abuser caught up with her just before she arrived at safety and chopped off her head. However, her dear friend and priest Beuno found her and replaced her head, prayed and she was healed. The well we visited is said to have sprung up at the spot where her head hit the ground. Strange stories, but underneath is a very ordinary and too familiar a story of an abused woman. But it is also a story of such hope as Winefride finds healing and hope and from her experiemce comes life giving water and healing for others. I wonder if we too can allow God to take our most difficult experiences and let them be a source of healing for ourselves and others.

The Wonky Pot

Our time at Ffald y Brenin has been full of beauty. The buildings, the setting, the excursions, have been inspiring. But there has also been an element of feeling a bit like a wonky pot -still full of flowers, just a bit different. There are a range of reasons that make us feel different -even when we look mostly the same. It is a reminder to me that we need to take time to listen to one another as individuals in order to be in a place where we can really bless others or be blessed.

I would rather be…

The last time I preached at KPC before leaving for study leave, was on Psalm 84. One aspect I focused on was when the psalmist writes, I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of the Lord than live in the tents of the wicked. We reflected on doorkeepers, not as those who refuse change, but those who help keep the church doors open. Churches only stay open when people remain involved in the worshipping community… without that, churches close. Last Sunday we chose to go to our “local” church, which happened to be in the small village of Pontfaen. On the Saturday we stopped in to find out what time the service would be. As we arrived, there was a vauum cleaner in the doorway. A woman, Anne, was cleaning in preparation for the next day. Turned out they only have services once a month, and it was the next day, making it extra special. Anne told us when church would be, stopped her cleaning and invited us in -stay as long as you like, I will just be outside, she said… We explored the delightful little old church, and as we went on our way, Anne returned to her cleaning. The next morning, Anne was there, a smile on her face, ready to welcome us and introduce us to everyone else. She was the epitome of a doorkeeper, helping keep her little community church open. How might we help keep church doors open?

SIngapore Stopover

Wow! What a beautiful place to rest and re-create! We have had a lovely few days unwinding and exploring this spectacular island. The train system is so good and we have walked and walked. Climbed to the Summit at Bukit Timah -steep but amazing, and so many monkeys! Enjoyed ChinaTown, the Lights at Marina Sands Bay, an evening river boat ride, the Night Zoo, a day exploring Sentosa Island, including the water park, and enjoying the cable cars by day and night… Today we head to Garden by the Bays before our late evening flight to London. Such a special time to enjoy,

Upcoming Study Leave

It is countdown until Richard, Reuben and I get on the plane to head off on ten weeks of study leave. We are so excited but there is much to get done before we depart. My leave will include a range of things -including exploring the idea of pilgrimage and how it might be a useful tool both within the parish context and on retreat. This will involve short pilgrimages around Chester and Canterbury. Richard will be exploring the concept of pilgrimage as a potential tool for helping inmates navigate the serving of a prison sentence. Reuben will be doing online learning to continue his schoolwork as we travel.

I will also be collating and writing poetry in order to put together a lectionary based collection of poems to make available as a resource for sermon/service preparation. We will also be visiting different places of Retreat, including Taize in France and Ffald y Brenin in Wales. I am excited to be able to take time with less pressures and more space to listen, learn and grow.

We will also be catching up with family and friends in the UK, Sweden, Denmark and the US, and having a week on a canal boat in Southern France with some family and friends. I invite you to follow our travels and learnings through this blog and for those who pray, please hold us in yours.

Lockdown Level 4 Day 14: 31 August 2021 "Gladness and Generosity"

Tomorrow is the beginning of September, the beginning of Spring, and here at KPC, the beginning of a new holy habit to practice. It is the habit of gladness and generosity. In lockdown we can struggle with these things, but amidst the struggle, they remain vital. Choosing to find the things in our day that bring gladness, even amidst the awful, the painful and the frustrating. Choosing to be generous when we are tempted to lock down our compassion as well as our physical selves. Choosing gladness and generosity because they reveal the character of God and something of what God’s kingdom looks like. That is our holy habit challenge to add to our kete of holy habits. What does gladness and generosity look like to you? Today my Mum delivered a beautifully knitted blanket, safely distanced, for Reuben’s 13th birthday. As he opened this treasure I saw generosity and gladness literally knitted together.  

Lockdown Level 4 Day 1: 18 August 2021

Here we are back in level 4 lockdown and trying to readjust to this new reality. Wondering how it will unfold and taking stock of what it means for people. I am still in Exodus 17 in my head, which I preached on a few weeks ago. It tells the story of when Joshua is in battle, and Moses heads up a hill to raise his hands to God in support. As Moses grows weary, Aaron and Hur stand beside him and help lift his hands up. It seems an apt image for Aotearoa today.  I am seeing so many people face their own battles as we enter level 4 lockdown, and each person battling needs a Moses who lifts up their hands in support. And each supporter needs others who help them when they get tired. So whether we find ourselves in the sandals of Joshua, Moses, Aaron or Hur, there is a task to be done. If you are battling hard things in this moment, that is going to take all your energy. May you know there is a Moses in your life who supports you in your battle. If you are thrown into a role of support, and you are tired, may you know there are people beside you ready to help. And if you are in a place of relative strength, may you have the wisdom and kindness to stand alongside those who are weary and help with their load. Together we can then make it through.

17 February Day 3 Level 3: Ash Wednesday Gardens

In Auckland, we are beginning the season of Lent in Level 3 of lockdown. Today is Ash Wednesday, and this evening I was prepared to be leading a service of ashes and calling us as a people to begin this Lenten journey. Instead we will remain in our bubbles at home. It is not a service I could put on line simply, so it must wait for another year. But that is not to say we cannot recognise this day wherever we are. Lent is a time when we are called to prepare ourselves for the biggest story ever –the Easter story. A time to reflect on our own journeys as well as the journey of Jesus.  Wherever we are this Ash Wednesday, we step into Lent, and are invited to ponder what it means.

Way back in 2007 I came across the Jewish teaching that everyone should have two pockets in their coats for two pieces of paper… One saying I am only dust and ashes And the other saying: For me the whole universe was created. They are this tangible reminder of the complex contradictions we live our lives amidst. That we are mortal beings – from the words of the graveside, dust to dust and ashes to ashes. And that we are created by this awesome big God, who loves us utterly.

As we enter this Lenten journey for another year, take with you the awareness of your mortality, but also the awareness of your beloved-ness. Perhaps you might use dust from a garden instead of ashes today –it is a similar metaphor...  placing a dusty cross upon yourself, or on those in your bubble, and remembering other gardens long ago –one where beloved creation strolled with God and another where the cruel pain of mortality was faced. Eden, Gethsemane, your piece of dust... and remember

“We are only dust and ashes; but for you the whole universe was created.”

14 August Day 3 Level 3b: Rock Splitting

And so we in Auckland remain in level 3 for another 12 days. What once felt sturdy now might feel more fragile.  Forces we can’t control can leave us feeling powerless. I remember our recent walk to Hooker Glacier at the base of Mt Aoraki (in those free days we got used to not so long ago). When looking down from one of the large swing bridges, I saw this massive rock, split in two. It spoke to me of such immense power.  

At the end of Matthew 27 we read of Jesus’ death on the cross, and the response of the earth itself.  The earth shook and the rocks split, in order that entombed bodies were raised to life.  In the very moment of death, the earth responded in giving unexpected life.  So I wonder if we can find unexpected life giving moments amidst these times when we feel powerless. These times when all the power seems to be out of our hands. Perhaps it is a lockdown walk that slows you down and makes you see things afresh. Perhaps it is remembering the gift of a phone call. Simple yet profound things that offer new life. Rock splitting.

13 August Day 2 Level 3b: Kia kaha

As I see the term kia kaha popping up on numerous Facebook posts, I am reminded of our Gospel passage from last Sunday –when Jesus comes to the disciples in the storm, walking on water, and they are afraid. Jesus says three things to them - Take heart; It is I; Don’t be afraid. On Sunday I spoke of the way that opening phrase –take heart; take courage –resonated strongly for me with our warmly held phrase here in Aotearoa, kia kaha.

As we live through this wobbly time, and I sense an increasing fear being lived out in a variety of ways, I have returned to this three-fold phrase of Jesus, spoken into human fear. For me it has been a reminder of the importance of realising that simply saying “Don’t be afraid” is not always enough. It is part of a package... we need also to be reminded that we stand strong together –that we can find a resilient strength of heart in ourselves as we recognise we are in this together, and also that the great I Am is present with us through these storms.

Together we will have resilient strength; together we will recognise God in our midst, and together we will then overcome our fear.   Kia kaha.

12 August: Back to level 3: Unravelling

Today at noon we, in Auckland, have entered level 3 lockdown again. Hearing the news felt like things were starting to unravel. It was a step backwards and despite the warnings it still came as a shock. Amidst all the decisions that need to be made both at KPC and within the other community organisations I am part of, I have been holding this image of unravelling in my imagination. Unravelling happens for more than one reason. Sometimes it happens because we make a mistake –a needle slips and unravelling occurs. At other times it is more purposeful –we have discovered a mistake further back in our creating, or we have decided we want to do things differently, and so we need to make changes. It requires us to unravel in order to move forward in a new way. And so I pondered what this unravelling is about. Is it simply to blame an error some rows earlier, or is it an opportunity to re-form. After all we are a re-formed church. But perhaps it is both - to recognise where we have gone wrong; and to create something better, more beautiful, and more useful. In re-forming I see the need to step up in my behaviour – washing my hands more carefully, using the QR code more diligently, noting down where I go if there is no code... but I also see an opportunity for something more beautiful. How might I move forward in ways that add rather than subtract; that encourages and affirms; and that builds community? As a church, how might we best move forward in ways that as Paul said to the church in Thessalonika encourage one another and build one another up.

Level 2: 3 June Another Virus

The virus of COVID19 has hit the world with such a force, we are still reeling in response. Fear, anxiety, having to live in ways determined by others, even death, are the results of this virus. Unemployment and poverty have also resulted, as we see lengthening queues at foodbanks and increasing job losses. In response we are learning to do things differently. We are learning to care for those around us and to check in on people. We have chosen to change in order to be alongside the most vulnerable. We are exploring ways to support those who have lost most through this virus. It is huge.

But there is another virus, which has also been at work. A virus that too many of us are fortunate enough to have the choice to ignore. It too brings fear, anxiety, unemployment, poverty, having to live in ways determined by others, and even death. Amongst many deaths, the death of George Floyd has come to the fore in this moment. His awful death has become a kind of tipping point for action. A call to respond to this virus of racism. Again, we have a choice to change our ways to ensure that the vulnerable are not hurt more. So the vulnerable gain the advantage they deserved all along. The advantage I already have.

Black lives matter. There is no room for adding to that sentence. It is black lives that are vulnerable, and we need to be clear that we must do all we can to change the systems that let this virus flourish. What is happening in America is awful. But as we watch in horror, we need to also check our own hearts and behaviours. It is always easier to see the wrong “out there” than the wrong within. Matthew says (in Ch 7: 3-5, The Message) “It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbour’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own”.

In his Letter from a Birmingham Jail, Martin Luther King Jr wrote, “There was a time when the church was very powerful - in the time when the early Christians rejoiced at being deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society.” In our everyday acts and conversations our responsibility is to be thermostats, changing the temperature in the room. To speak to the racism we might otherwise let pass.

Level 2: Changes one week on -Don’t skimp on colours

As we headed into level 2 of lockdown, I decided that my blog would now become less frequent. Generally I will post at least weekly, unless there is something I particularly want to say. We have had a trip to Hastings to catch up with Richard’s aunt who is 90 and by herself through lockdown. We have filmed a new mainly music session and sent out kits to all the families. I have helped lead a KCML Colloquium where ministry interns share and reflect on pastoral case studies with their supervisors and staff. Stretching stuff. And now it is Thursday already and I need to prepare for Sunday so we can film the service tomorrow. As my blog is no longer daily, it may be helpful for you to subscribe via e-mail (click here and scroll down) so you know when to have a look at a new post. I have also opened the comment section of my blog as a trial.

Amidst all of this, I am reflecting on where we are heading as a church. Planning for when we might meet together again, initially as House Churches -perhaps as early as next week. I am also seeing an unpleasant array of conversations as churches compare themselves to bars and the like, in demands to gather. I am reminded of the Holy Spirit’s gift to the church of patience and lessons in Scripture about the tongue, and about being there for the vulnerable. I am saddened by what I see and hear.

We are entering a new phase, and this is yet another small step of the transitioning process. There are new colours on our horizon as we leave our bubbles and discover beauty a bit further afield. Beauty that was always there but perhaps is now seen in new colour. And so it is with Reuben’s island… the transition continues and now there is colour. Much still the same, much still to come, but colour is transforming.

In Ecclesiasted 9 (The Message) we read Seize life! Eat bread with gusto, Drink wine with a robust heart. Oh yes—God takes pleasure in your pleasure! Dress festively every morning. Don’t skimp on colours… I love that line -Don’t skimp on colours… as we enter level 2, let’s notice the beauty of colours around us.

First Day of Level 2: 50 days!

So today I got to hug my Mum… she came for lunch and it was so special to just sit at the same table as her. Perhaps all of this distancing will help us to remember the value of the small things, that are actually the big things.

And as we enter this new territory of Level 2, may we be kind to ourselves and to one another. Transitions are not straight forward and we need to offer ourselves the gift of space to adjust to what is happening around us. Fifty days has been a long time to be in our secure bubbles. Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus and told them Be kind and compassionate to one another. Children will be readjusting to life at school. Traffic will increase. Work will continue to change for many. Kindness and compassion will count more than ever. This new normal will take some getting used to. Already we are seeing the way some want to move quickly toward regathering while others want to go more slowly. So take time to listen to where others around you are at.

I started my lockdown blog with a rainbow, and later it became a koru. Now it has become a heart - a reminder to be kind and compasionate to yourself and to others. as we remember the small things that are actually big. Hug those you now can hug, and keep connecting in other ways with those you can’t.

Last Day of Level 3: Seasons and islands

Tonight at midnight we transition into Level 2 of Lockdown. Discussions abound as to what we should and shouldn’t do in the weeks ahead. Our national church is asking us to take a cautious approach, choosing to emphasise our care for the vulnerable. So amidst a growing desire to gather, we will be taking this transition slowly at KPC. Church on-line, experienced at your home, will continue for the next couple of weeks before we look to transitioning to house churches -small gatherings in homes to share the online service.                                                                    

Ecclesiastes 3 says There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. I think it is important to understand the season we are in and be willing to move gradually. Schools starting back is a significant transition for many and will help to bring some new normal to family lives. Some will be feeling very cautious while others will not and it is important we take time to recognise and honour the experiences of those around us. We cannot assume our experience is the same as the experience of others. Now is the time to breathe before responding to those with different attitudes. Some things take time, like Reuben’s island, each layer placed carefully to make it stronger than before. It is a work in progress, but time is adding to what it is becoming. I am learning from this island that time well placed can be strengthening for us too.  

Level 3 Day 13: Chrysalis Prayer

Yesterday we were informed that Level 2 begins this Thursday and now we enter a time of working out what that will look like for each of us.  At KPC we need to look at how we might gather and how our building will be used. But each one of us have a role in determining what our communities will look like in this new phase. This has made me go back to the chrysalis prayer I wrote for last Sunday’s worship service and so I thought it might be useful for those people who read this but don’t join in the KPC online worship. So here it is -

Lord God, this time of lockdown has been a strange time. We have been cocooned in our bubbles, as the world has become a sometimes dangerous place. As we have distanced ourselves physically from others, our worlds have become smaller. It is as if we have been held in a chrysalis through this past month... snuggled into a place where we have felt safe amidst a virus we did not understand. Some of us have experienced this as a gift –there has been time to make space in lives that had become too full. Some of us have experienced times when we have felt overly contained. We have wanted to escape our chrysalis and go back to what once was familiar. Frustrated at being told where we can and can’t go; and what we can and can’t do. And many of us have experienced a mixture of these... there have been times of delight and times of frustration interwoven together. But however we have experienced this time of isolation, there has been this waiting for the right time to emerge... and now as we draw closer to the possibility of level 2 of lockdown, we have begun to ponder what life will be like when we emerge from this space. We wonder how different it will be. Lord in this time we want to listen to your voice. We want to make the most of this chronos moment –this time full of opportunity to do things differently. This time when we can reassess our attitudes, and the way we spend our time and our money. Time when we can hold on to the way we have learned to take more notice of the people around us. We don’t want to go back to what was, without making the most of the choices available to us. But we need your help Lord, to move forward wisely. We want to emerge more beautiful than before. And so we take some time to listen -to let You speak to our hearts and minds...  and we reflect on what one thing You might be asking us to do differently, when we leave lockdown. One thing that will bring more butterfly beauty into our lives and our community...  Amen.

Level 3 Day 12: Messy Mother's Day

Today I was woken with singing and breakfast in bed -from all my children, even if one was via a phone on the breakfast tray. I know I am so fortunate to experience this on mother’s day, when so many are feeling the gaps so much more markedly. Motherhood is not something everyone chooses, and it is also something not always able to be chosen. It is a messy thing in so many ways. However, amidst the messy, we all do have mothers and we all do have people who have been as mothers to us. Today is an opportunity to reflect on all of this. In our powerpoint reflection in today’s worship I shared a reflection I wrote way back in 2009, and now over a decade later, I still think it is worth sitting with. It begins (at 17:42) with the words - “Whether you are a mum… or whether you simply have a mum… or a step-mum… or a mother-in-law… or a mother figure… whether your mum is close to you… or far away… close as a best mate… or seperated by miles… or death… or broken relationship… Today is Mother’s Day and offers you the gift of time to reflect on motherhood and all it means…” It continues to reflect on some of the realities we experience -for good or bad, and concludes with the affirmation that ultimately, amidst all our imperfections, God .offers us perfect love. As a mum I realise that even with the best of intentions we can get things wrong, and what we want most is for our children to know that we love them more than they may ever comprehend.

To my mum, I love you and I honour you -you have been such a remarkable role model -not perfect, but someone who has taught me to love, taught me that mistakes can be unpicked and that life is to be lived to the full. I am forever grateful.